All Saints Day

Yesterday was All Saints Day. It's a day that the Catholic church honors all known and unknown saints. It is also a day that several Catholics remember their lost ones.

I was having a crappy day yesterday. I totally forgot that it was All Saints Day, until my mother called some time in the afternoon. She asked me if I was going to visit Joshua's grave and reminded me of the day's significance. I felt like I failed Joshua by skipping out on church, thus, forgetting the importance of the day.

After Jason had calmed me down, he told me to get ready and not to worry about getting Maui showered and dressed. When we were all ready to go, we jumped into the car and headed off to the cemetery. During the 15 minuted ride, I kept thinking how disappointed I was with myself. I hated that I would not have even thought of visiting my son's grave if my mother had not call me.

We arrived just before the sun started to set. I was surprised to see so many people there, despite the later hour of the day. We parked, and walked over to his grave. Jason and I holding hands, and Maui holding a bouquet of flowers for her baby brother. Although I was feeling bad that I did not visit Joshua earlier, I was glad that I came late. Once we reached his grave, I realized how greatly loved and remembered our boy is. His grave was covered with flowers, stuffed toys, and little monster trucks. It was a comfort to my heart that so many of our family came to visit him.

I don't cry when I visit him, not anymore, at least. But, my heart feels a shattering pain. Pain not only for my child, but for the many other babies that have been laid to rest in that area. Joshua was the newest baby to the bunch, but yesterday we noticed a new grave near his. It did not have a grave marker, but it was covered with flowers and figurines of two baby angles... twins? *sigh*





Anyway, Halloween was fun. Maui dressed as Mulan and the weather wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It was the first Halloween in YEARS that it did not rain. We just had Maui wear thermals under her costume, and she was good to go.