Rain Rain Go Away

It's raining here in the Bay Area. Not a pleasant drizzle with a light breeze, but nasty, ugly, pouring rain. I am not fond of this weather for two particular reasons:

1. A car accident that happened when my brother and I were driving home from high school (him a senior and I a freshman). After making a right turn, we hyroplaned and crashed into a tree. Luckily, we had no major injuries.

2. It rained heavily during Joshua's funeral. I felt that the pain weighing my heart was strong enough for the angels above to cry over. That day, my father in law, uncles, and brother constantly tried to hold an unbrella over Jason and I. But our numbing agony did not mind the weather. We were a mess. After his burial, my bare knees (I wore a dress) were sinking on top of his muddy grave as I repeatedly wept out his name. Horrible visual, I know... I'm thankful my parents were there to care for my daughter and make sure she did not see me in that state.

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I am aware that my recent blogs have been a bit morbid. And for that, I apologize. I hate that what I have to share is not delightful. To tell you the truth, my day-to-day living is considerably functional. I get through the day with a smile and a good laugh, but in the end... grief takes over.