Jason and I haven't been on the same page of baby-making. When he says that he wants one more, I tell him that I don't think I have enough confidence to go through with that journey. When I say I want one more, he says that he fears it will end in a painful loss.
Deep down inside, we both AGREE that a living, healthy child would be of a true blessing to us. Apparently, however, we are both truthfully afraid. The loss of our only son was an emotional train wreck. I can't imagine going through that kind of pain again.
You know what I detest? How several people (people who obviously never experienced child-loss) have told me that I'm still young and to continue having more children. What is that?! Yeah, I'm young... I'm in my mid-twenties. What is that suppose to do for me, exactly? I already lost a baby with this stupid "young" age of mine.
In a magical world, I would wake up to a beautiful sunrise with my husband, daughter, and rainbow baby all by my side. In a magical world, Joshua would be there, too. In a magical world, my heart would feel complete.
I want to fast forward to happiness.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Fast-Forward, Please!
Posted by Lianne at 8:52 AM
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2 comments:
I wish I could buy us tickets to that magical world. I know what you mean, the idea of another baby sounds wonderful to me. However, the road to getting there is terrifying. It is a hard decision to make after experiencing a loss like we have endured. xx
((HUGS)) I wish I could put my head in the clouds too! That is what I say :)
In time you and your husband will decide what path you will take. It will not be easy, but when you are on the same page you have each others support. (you always have each other support I am sure. )
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