April

This time last year, Joshua was making his last movements within my womb.
This time last year, I was naiivly filled with excitement.
This time last year, was the last time I felt genuine happiness.

I know I dissapeared. You can say, that I just needed a break. Since my last post, I can honestly say that I haven't even logged in once. At the time, it was too much for me to handle. The reality of several lost babies.. too much.

These past months, however, have been considerably fine. Up until a few days ago... when I had realized that April was just around the corner. In the back of my mind, I knew this month was creeping up closer and closer. And now that it's here, I find the grief entering back into my world. Last night, I cried because I was missing my son. Instead of being frantic for the perfect plans of my baby's very first birthday party, I'm going from store to store picking out cute things to decorate his grave with.

It's almost been a year, and I still feel lost as ever.